I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
