Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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