Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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