I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
