Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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