it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
