fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
