i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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