why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
