he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
