So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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