the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
