she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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