I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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