those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize