the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize