now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize