people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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