Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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