Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
