i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
