it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
