Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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