I cockslap morals
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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