yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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