you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
