would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
