At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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