My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There's even glitter on my cock...
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