and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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