Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
