i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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