You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
