i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
