She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
