Your face is a jimmy john
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
