Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
