they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
