do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
