and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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