I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
