I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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