eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
