the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
