why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
