apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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