Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
