Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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