I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
