no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
