Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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