Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
