I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
