I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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