I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
