Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
