I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
