I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
