yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
