Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
