Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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