I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I deserve this hangover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
