I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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