Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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