Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend

(936): View more from Texas

Get a boyfriend

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(609): View more from New Jersey

She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .

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(720): View more from Colorado

She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

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(303): View more from Colorado

That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

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(305): View more from Florida

Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH

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(360): View more from Washington

Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.

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(206): View more from Washington

Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.

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(512): View more from Texas

I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.

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(443): View more from Maryland

When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.

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