you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
