I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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