she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
