My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
