no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
