ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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